Listening to: The new Coldplay cd. The more I listen to it the more addictive it gets. woo-hoo
Ladies and Gentleman, may I present to you a rant, for your reading pleasure. There will be no title, because it really doesn’t need one. Besides, I’m lazy and I’d rather get straight to the point. Shall we?
This rant begins were most rants do: in the brain. Hormones blazing, electrolytes causing a massive rucous (sp?), a small internal war that would rival any real one. Thank goodness I only feel the anger part.
Then again I’m not really angry. I’m annoyed, and maybe I am feeling a little peeved. Afterall, when an online friend promises he’ll be around and then isn’t, or rather he is but he conveniently forgets to let you know, well it’s enough to cause some discomfort. Think a mosquito bite, except I wish I were doing the biting.
I take my friendships online seriously. Why? Call it respect. Call it trust. Even better, call it a desire to become friends with people I might never have met had it not been for the internet. It’s a wonderful opportunity, and fortunately many of these friendships are honest, and they’ve lasted no matter how awful the arguments. Hell, my best friend online and I have only had one major fight and that was almost three years ago (nothing else counts damnit).
The thing is, I had another friend. He was really dear to me, and in a way he still is, which may mean I’m being foolish by continuing to have an emotional investment in this relationship that is practically non-existant. Gone are the phone calls, the laughter, the praise, the heartache, the melodrama. It’s just not there. It hasn’t been there.
Video games are his lovers. Pity his nextdoor neighbor. And there is more, but that would just be too cruel.
Yes, I know his life has changed for the better. A part of me wants to say I’m happy, but I really don’t care anymore. How can I when the same person who says he misses me doesn’t even make an effort to remedy it. There was a promise. "I miss you so much. You mean something to me still." You’ve been online all day and not once have you popped in to say hello.
How much you miss me. How much you wish things could be like there were back then. Cry me a river. It all flows in the opposite direction anyway.
You can have your new life. Afterall, I don’t know you anymore. They’re your new friends now. Great! Just don’t say you miss me, or you miss him, or you miss anyone, because it’s not true. And even if it is true, it’s not worth salvaging to you.
You’re under the impression you can just come back and start up where you left off. It doesn’t work that way. It won’t be easy. It may not ever be.
Happy Birthday my friend. I’m giving you the greatest gift I have. I’m letting you go so you won’t have to lie to me anymore. I’m telling you it’s ok for you not to say that you miss me because I know it’s not true. I’m not a little girl. You don’t have to shelter me from the truth. Just go and live your new life, because it’s obvious I’m not and never will be in it anymore.